My name is Jessica, and I'm 16 years old. Growing up, I wanted nothing more than to find unconditional love, affirmation and stability. Whether it was in my family or with others around me, my relationships were far from perfect, and there was a void in my heart that I desperately wanted to fill. At one point, I was even diagnosed with anxiety and depression. I began taking medication, but it was trial and error... the doctors kept changing the prescription, and I was even hospitalized for a short time. I thought that all of my worth depended on being loved and accepted by one person, but that relationship also unraveled. When that happened, things began to look so bad from my perspective that I even attempted to end my life. Thankfully, God had greater plans in store for me, and He isn’t finished writing my life’s story yet!
Somewhere during all of this, I attended church for the first time. I exchanged information with a youth leader named Laura, and my curiosity began to grow about this whole "God thing". When I came to youth services, it always felt like our youth pastor could read my mind. The things he said jumped out to me, but I wasstill stuck in the belief that this God that everyone kept telling me about was some sort of genie. I thought all I needed to do was pray and He would grant my every wish. When I realized this wasn't the case, I decided there was no point in pursuing a relationship with God, but the emptiness and hurt in my heart were still very much there.
One Sunday afternoon I got a text from Laura asking me to hang out, and as much as I wanted to say no, my fingers typed yes. For weeks to come, when she'd offer to pick me up for church I kept typing yes. Our youth pastor preached a series titled “The Press”, and that was when everything in me just started to click. We talked about why bad things happen to good people and how to walk through depression. I began to see the love of God through this new community of people, and as they embraced me and loved me unconditionally, I started to believe that God does too. And, not only that He loves me, but that He wants to use me for His glory!
Through all of this, God has taught me to trust in Him and the promises found in His Word. One of the verses I have come to lean on is Philippians 4:6, which says, “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be known to God.” I also take comfort in the promise found in 2 Corinthians 5:17, where He assures me that I am a new creation in Christ; the old is gone and I am made new in Him.
Yes, sometimes in life the waves start crashing, but I haven't taken my eyes off my Savior. I know now that God is real and He's been with me this whole time. The same events in my life that threatened to break me down laid the foundation for God to build me up to a greater height of peace and potential. The same hands that wrote suicide notes are building God's kingdom!
Today, my heart is not only full with enough love for me, but enough to share with those around me. God has given me a loving family and home life, and strong friendships rooted in knowing and walking with Him. I am volunteering in the children’s ministry and a leader in training with the youth. I am grateful for all the good He has already done in my life, and trust that God has amazing plans for my future.
