Girlfriends… for some women they come easy, but for me they always seemed like too much risk.
Growing up, I saw my parents’ relationship with God everyday, but I never really figured out how to make that relationship my own. Because of that, I often pushed God to the side. I loved Him, but never pursued him, not realizing I was depriving myself of the healing His love and acceptance brings.
Like many girls, I found myself on the outside of the in-crowd; teased or ignored by female influencers at school. I engaged in attention-seeking behavior, desperately hoping to find my place. Sure I earned some laughs, but I felt more like the butt of a joke than someone who belonged. It stirred within me a spirit of competition, and it was hard to shake the feeling of falling short when I compared myself to my peers. Self-doubt grew and festered into an unshakeable insecurity where other women were involved.
My husband was in the military, worked long hours and his work meant we could be sent anywhere at any time. People in our lives constantly came and went. It was too difficult to invest in lasting friendships when someone would leave at any moment. I began to guard my heart by isolating myself from those around me. I fell into a pattern of surface relationships. I didn't realize I had also adopted this attitude in my relationship with God. We attended church every Sunday and prayed before meals, but I never opened my Bible or put forth any effort to connect with Him.
Soon I became a mother, and the wound grew deeper. Not surprisingly, I was drowning in loneliness. I had no girlfriends to rejoice with in my victories and console me in my failures. In hindsight, it's easy to see that my distance from others directly reflected my distance from the Lord. I refused to see His value, and in turn lost sight of my own value.
Years passed, and my family settled in Murrieta, CA. I felt God knocking on my heart. We discovered The Bridge Church, and after that Sunday I could feel Him saying “It's time. Come find me. I've been waiting for you.” For the first time in years, I wanted to really get to know Him and learn his heart. Through His Word, I slowly began to find confidence in Him. Learning how He loves me caused my sense of worth to grow. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. He is my shepherd. He loves me. He will never leave me. These words gave me the courage to finally feel brave enough to connect with other women.
One Tuesday morning, I decided to drag my 4-year-old and my pregnant self to Bridge Women. Although I was nervous and debated turning the car around, I held fast to his promises: He loves me. He created me as I am for a reason. He is with me wherever I go. I courageously walked in, put on a name tag and introduced myself to the girl at the door.
Something amazing happened.
She looked up at me, smiled and said, “Hello! I’m Mia. I'm so glad you're here. Come and let me introduce you to some friends.”
Friends. It seems like a small thing, but I cannot describe the joy I felt in that moment. God orchestrated it so the first person I spoke to said exactly what I needed to hear. They weren't HER friends. They were OUR friends. I was included. I was welcome. And together, we were part of something wonderful and bigger than ourselves. It was amazing! The peace and acceptance I experienced that day was astounding! I walked out of that room with dinner plans with several women. Those relationships have continued to grow to this day.
I am thankful God lead me to this amazing body of women. It has changed my life. It is the only place I know where women from all walks of life so lovingly embrace a soul-weary stranger, and there is SO much power in that. Everyone has a place and a purpose. Here, God revealed to me who I am and where He wants me to be. Learning how He loves has shown me how to love others, and I finally feel like I’m home.
